Considering an Au Pair?

Notes from a host mom...and local coordinator

This is Denisa (our 2nd au pair) and my daughter, Sianna, one week after Denisa arrived to our home.  Two days before she arrived at our home, I found out I had an 'emergency' conference I had to attend in Arizona.  My husband wasn't available because he was doing numerous 12 hour hospital shifts that week.  So I stuck an already jet-lagged au pair on a plane to fly across the country, while my normally good flying daughter, threw up on both of us the entire trip.  After we arrived, things smoothed out, and they spent the days at the pool, while I sat in boring meetings, wishing I was with them.  But this is a great example of why we love this program... flexibility.

I've spent the last 6 years working as a Local Childcare Coordinator... I also ran a nanny placement agency for several years during that time.  I've talked to hundreds of families about au pair and nannies, and really understand the pros and cons of each.  I thought it would be nice to share this information with other families looking into childcare options.

Why we chose an au pair...

My family chose au pairs for several reasons.. primarily we wanted someone who was 'part of the family' to watch our daughter.  I am an overprotective Mom and not sorry for the fact.  Working in the child care industry helps you learn the pros and cons of all types of childcare.  I felt safer with someone who seemed more like a 'big sister' than 'paid help'.  Also, the cost!  Nannies in my community get about $10 or more an hour, so I could either have a nanny for 30 hours a week or an au pair for 45 hours per week.  It seemed like a no-brainer.  We also like the idea of introducing Sianna to people from other countries to expand her horizons.  Plus.. I'm not an accountant, I did NOT want to deal with Nanny taxes, and you don't have to worry about withholdings with au pairs, they receive a stipend, not a salary.

 The unexpected...

There were a bunch of added bonuses I didn't expect... the emergency help, the languages, and the friendships.  As far as emergency help.. unfortunately over the years there have been a few occasions that either my husband or I have ended up in the hospital.  We don't have family close by, so we were blessed to have understanding au pairs that said "Don't worry about Sianna, I've got her, take of of the situation" so we didn't have to drag Sianna to the hospital.  As far as languages.. my daughter just turned 6, and she has been introduced to over 6 languages.  Besides English, I taught her sign language at 6 months, my husband and current au pair have been teaching her Spanish, and our previous au pairs have taught her some German and Czech, plus she has been learning Korean. The one-on-one attention she's gotten over the years has her working at a 2nd grade level, before she finishes Kindergarten.  But the best thing is the friendships.  We've stayed in touch with all our au pairs, and I know in a few years we'll be doing a European tour and visiting their homes and families.  I've already told them, when they have children and Sianna is a teen, she is coming to stay with them a few months and help them with childcare.

Leaving...                       

Yes...it is heartbreaking when they leave.  I use to have families that would say they didn't want au pairs because the Visa only last 1 - 2 years.  True.  But I had a family in my group that had a hard time with an au pair, so when he left, they went with a nanny because they wanted someone longer than a year.  They called me 6 months later...they'd been through 3 nannies in that time and wanted another au pair.

Having someone in your house...

 I will be the first person to admit this was my biggest reservation, particularly the thought of another woman in my kitchen.  When I was in my 20s I had tried female roommates on 2 occasions, both were disasters.  I was much better with male roommates and knew this about myself.  Now my agency does have male au pairs, but it wasn't something I was comfortable with.. so that meant I had to live with another woman.  Even to this day, if I had an au pair around my house 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, I might loose it.  But I've found the experience has actually had a very positive effect on me.  I love the company.  Since I work from home, just having another adult to talk to is sanity saving.  My husband has a crazy schedule at the hospital, doing 12 hour shifts or overnights as an EMT.  On the nights he is gone.. myself and the au pair have 'Girls night' where we eat wings and watch chick flicks!    The other key thing is that they have their own life outside your house.  They have their friends and other au pairs that they hang out with, and it is more rare to see them on their days off than it is to have them sitting on your couch eating bon bons.  

It's not for everyone...

Having an au pair won't work for everyone.  At around $320 per week, it is more expensive than the local daycare down the street if you only have 1 child.  If you have 3 or 4, it is probably cheaper than most other options.  You pay the same price for 1 child as you would for 5.  Plus, unless you plan and save, the initial deposit can be daunting for some families.  The first year we were so desperate for help we put the deposit on a credit card and did a payment program for the remaining balance.  Not the ideal, but it got us the child care help we needed.

Also, au pairs can only work 45 hours per week, with no more than 10 hour per day.  For some families this isn't enough hours, or families who go away all weekend and need a live-in, au pairs won't work.  We do go away weekends, but we invite Grandma over to stay, plus have the au pair work, so the two of them care for Sianna.  If we left her entirely in Grandma's care for the whole weekend, Grandma would probably loose all her hair by Monday, so I feel better knowing that she has assistance while we are gone.

Perfection??? No..

There can be problems... let's face it.  You're selecting someone overseas that you've never met, to come live with you for a year.  There can be different expectations, different personalities, and cultural issues.  My very first au pair (I don't really count her as my 4) lasted 2 weeks!  She walked in the door to discover she was allergic to my dogs.  Also she had a reclusive personality and stayed in her room every minute she wasn't working (we discovered we liked more outgoing au pairs).  Anyway, after 2 weeks, we mutually agreed this wasn't going to work for a year.  The agency was great though, they found her a family with no dogs who didn't mind a shy au pair, and found us an outgoing au pair who loved my daughter like a little sister.  The switch took about 2 weeks while we found someone and she found a new home...but those 2 weeks were actually easier on all of us, because we knew that this was not a situation we had to force to work for the next 11 months.

Do your research...

Some families hear about au pairs and want to jump right in.. though my husband can tell you, I'm queen of impulsive, I really suggest talking to someone about the program first.  Who is going to care for your children is a big decision, then add that to the decision of someone coming to live with you.  By talking to someone with experience, you can learn about the program and which cultures may fit in better with your family.  I can spend 1 to 2 hours talking to prospective families about their options and their needs.  Everyone is different, and anyone who tries to sell you a cookie-cutter solution to a complex problem like childcare, is not really helping you, they are helping themselves. 

I really believe this can be a great option for many families, unfortunately, not many people know about the program and that is what I'm trying to change.

You are welcome to call me at 757-499-3469 or email me about the program at vbaupairlcc@cox.net.

Best wishes,

Tanya Eldert